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<title>Where does your faith form in me? by romeoandjulietyouwish</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25658917">Where does your faith form in me?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/romeoandjulietyouwish/pseuds/romeoandjulietyouwish'>romeoandjulietyouwish</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Lis Writes 9-1-1 [35]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Caring Eddie Diaz, Caring Evan "Buck" Buckley, Christopher Diaz is a National Treasure, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Established Relationship, Evan "Buck" Buckley Needs A Hug, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Misunderstandings, Soft Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Upset Evan "Buck" Buckley, Worried Eddie Diaz, kind of?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 02:54:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,038</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25658917</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/romeoandjulietyouwish/pseuds/romeoandjulietyouwish</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The team doesn't know about his fiance, they don't know that he's not as carefree and single as he makes himself out to be. Eventually, their friendly ribs and jabs become too much for Buck.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan "Buck" Buckley &amp; Firehouse 118 Crew, Evan “Buck” Buckley &amp; Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Lis Writes 9-1-1 [35]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1725208</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>363</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Where does your faith form in me?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Oh my gosh it feels like I have been working on this for forever and I'm so excited to share it! I know I said that I wasn't going to post any other fics during 911 coc appreciation week...but I was just too excited about this fic and I crave validation.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Buck taps his fingers against his cup of coffee, once, twice, three times, looking deep into the swirls of milk. </p>
<p>“You’re not going to find anything in there,” Hen says as she sits down next to him. She smiles at him gently and he tries to return it, but it’s tense. Hen tips her head to the side as she studies him for a second. “What’s wrong? Bad date last night?” </p>
<p>Buck sighs, “Something like that.” </p>
<p>“Well,” she squeezes his arm, “I’m here if you want to talk about it.” </p>
<p>“Thanks.” When he doesn’t say anything more, Hen pats his shoulder and walks away.</p>
<p>He knows he won’t talk to her. The truth of the matter is that he’s been lying to the team since the day he started. He’s not the kind of guy who runs around and sleeps with every person he sees, he’s not the kind of guy to hook up with a stranger. But that’s who they immediately assumed he was. And he understands he’s a cocky twenty six year old who knows he’s attractive. </p>
<p>But Buck never corrected them. </p>
<p>He didn’t tell him about his fiance, Edmundo Diaz, or their son, Christopher. He let them go on believing that he was just some immature kid who can’t keep it in his pants. If he’s being honest, it’s just easier to let them think they’re right. Plus he’s so scared of coming out to them, he knows they’re all accepting of Hen, but who’s to say they will be of him? In the handful of people he’s come out to, only a few accepted him. </p>
<p>But there are days like today when all he wants to do is tell them about Eddie and Chris and ask for advice, but he never does. </p>
<p>Last night he and Eddie fought about this very thing. Eddie said that he needed to tell his team the truth and Buck said that he wasn’t ready. They fought for what seemed like ages, both bringing up equally good points. It ended with angry tears, hoarse voices, and Eddie sleeping on the couch, leaving Buck in their bed by himself. </p>
<p>He wrapped his arms around Eddie’s pillow and sobbed. He hates this. He hates fighting with Eddie more than anything in the world. In the morning, Buck woke up too late to talk to Eddie before he took Christopher to school. </p>
<p>Buck pulls out his phone and texts Eddie. </p>
<p>I’m sorry about last night. I love you</p>
<p>But he doesn’t get a response. The ache in Buck’s chest only grows as Chimney asks upon seeing his face, “Clingy hookup?” </p>
<p>“No,” Buck says immediately, flipping his phone face down. “It’s nothing.” </p>
<p>“Geez,” Chim holds up his hands and backs away. “What’s got you so sour?”</p>
<p>“Nothing.” Without another word, Buck pushes back his chair, abandoning his coffee as he walks to find some peace and quiet without everyone watching him. </p>
<p>The shift is terribly boring with only a few calls, leaving Buck to wander aimlessly around the station, checking his phone periodically. But Eddie doesn’t text him back. Buck shakes his head, he’s probably just busy at work. </p>
<p>The end of the shift can’t come soon enough, but just as he’s about to leave, Bobby stops all of them.</p>
<p>“Hey guys,” Bobby says. “Athena and I are having everyone over for a barbeque this weekend so bring your families. There’s gonna be lots of food and such.”</p>
<p>“Thanks, Bobby!” Hen says as she walks out.</p>
<p>“Please don’t bring your newest hookup, this is a family-friendly event,” Chimney teases, lightly pushing his shoulder from where they’re standing beside each other. </p>
<p>Buck grimaces a smile but doesn’t say anything, just nods at Bobby and turns to walk out of the building. The entire car ride home, Buck taps his fingers against the steering wheel. If Eddie were with him, he’d take his hand by gently soothing his anxiety, rubbing his thumb along the back of Buck’s hand. But Eddie isn’t here, so Buck taps his fingers. </p>
<p>In their driveway, Buck takes his engagement ring out of the cupholder and slips it on. He sits in his car for a minute or so, taking deep breaths and spinning the ring around his finger. He doesn’t know if Eddie is going to want to continue their fight or what’s going to happen. But he climbs out and walks up to the door. </p>
<p>“Buck!” The moment Buck opens the door he has an armful of Christopher. </p>
<p>Buck smiles softly and embraces him, “Hey, buddy.” </p>
<p>Chris frowns and pulls out of the hug, “Are you sad?” </p>
<p>He shakes his head, “It was just a long day.” He gives Christopher another long hug, kissing the top of his head, before releasing him to go play in the living room. Buck rakes a hand through his hair before dropping his bag on the ground and walking deeper into the house in search of his fiance. </p>
<p>He finds Eddie in the kitchen warming up a plate of food in the microwave. Eddie doesn’t see Buck immediately so Buck takes a second to take a deep breath before alerting Eddie to his presence. “Hey.”</p>
<p>Eddie’s eyes soften when he turns around and sees Buck. He crosses the kitchen immediately to pull the younger man into a tight hug. Buck relaxes into the embrace and holds Eddie back just as tight. Buck can feel the tension seeping out of his body and he knows that Eddie feels the exact same.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Eddie whispers into his ear. “I love you.”</p>
<p>“You were right,” Buck admits, resting his head on Eddie’s shoulder. “I-I need to tell them.” </p>
<p>Eddie shakes his head and pulls back, “Not if you’re not ready.” He takes a deep breath. “Buck...Evan,” Buck smiles at his given name, “I don’t want to pressure you. You know them, I don’t. If you feel safer and more comfortable keeping Chris and I a secret, I’m going to support you.” </p>
<p>Buck smiles at him and puts a hand on his cheek, “I need to tell them, I can’t take it anymore. There’s a party on Saturday with everyone’s families, and I’d love it if I could take you and Chris with me.” </p>
<p>Eddie leans down and kisses him, “I’d love to. I’m sure Chris will too.” The microwave beeps behind them and Eddie pulls himself reluctantly from Buck’s arms to take the plate and set it on the table. “Come on, eat something, and then we can watch a movie with Christopher.” </p>
<p>Buck sits down across from him and picks up his fork, “Sounds good.” </p>
<p>As always, movie night ends with Christopher soundly asleep between the two of them. Buck sighs in contentment as Eddie’s fingers scratch the back of his neck, occasionally leaving over to press a kiss to his cheek or the side of his head. Buck feels his heart swell with overwhelming love and affection for the man he’s going to be marrying in a few months. </p>
<p>Eventually, Eddie carries Chris to bed and Buck finds himself in bed, Eddie laying on his side looking up at him. Buck tips his head back against the headboard and sighs. </p>
<p>“What are you thinking about?” Eddie asks, his thumb rubbing Buck’s leg. </p>
<p>“Tomorrow.” Buck looks down at him. “What if they hate me for lying to them? What if I ruined our relationship by being too fucking scared.” </p>
<p>“Hey, you can’t think like that. That’s the worst case scenario. And if that happens then you know that they weren’t the right people,” Eddie tells him. “But you can’t go in there thinking of the what-ifs. And, hey, if you want to back out and go alone or not at all, I’m going to support you.” </p>
<p>“Thank you,” Buck reaches down and puts a hand on Eddie’s cheek. “You’re right, I just…”</p>
<p>“You’re anxious.” Buck nods and Eddie smiles softly and opens his arms. Buck effortlessly lays down and curls against Eddie’s chest, his arms holding him tight. “It’s okay to be scared,” Eddie whispers. “It’s okay to be terrified and anxious.” Buck nods, he doesn’t know why but he can feel tears starting to build. “Just know that you’re not alone. No matter what they think, you’ll always have me and Chris.” Buck can’t find any words to say, but he squeezes Eddie’s waist and takes a long breath. “Get some sleep.” Buck feels Eddie kiss the top of his head and he closes his eyes, eyelashes brushing against Eddie’s chest.</p>
<p>By 10:00 the next day, the family is in the car and ready to go. Eddie’s hand is in Buck’s across the center console and in the backseat, Christopher is jabbering on excitedly about finally meeting the other firefighters. Buck doesn’t say anything, he just lets himself get lost in Eddie’s soothing touch. </p>
<p>When they get to Bobby’s, it seems that everyone else is already there. Buck helps Christopher out of the car and just before they walk up to the door, Eddie puts an arm around him and kisses his temple, “It’s not too late to go back home.” </p>
<p>Buck shakes his head, “No, I-I need to do this.” </p>
<p>Buck takes a deep breath and opens the door. He lets Eddie and Chris walk in before him so they can help Christopher down the stairs. The second they walk inside, everyone turns and stares at them. </p>
<p>Buck shuffles his feet awkwardly, “Um, guys, this is my fiance Eddie and our son Christopher.” The room is silent and Buck feels Christopher shift to stand behind him, he must be uncomfortable with all the attention. </p>
<p>Eddie is the first to move and walk up to Bobby to shake his hand. “You must be Captain Nash,” Eddie smiles. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.” </p>
<p>“You too,” Bobby replies, shaking Eddie’s hand and looking over at Buck. Eddie, sensing the tension in the room, introduces himself to everyone and then takes Chris out into the lawn where the rest of the kids and spouses are. </p>
<p>They just stare at Buck. Hen crosses the room and pulls Buck into a hug. “I’m sorry,” she whispers into his ear. </p>
<p>“What are you sorry for?” Buck asks as he pulls away. “I’m the one that lied to you guys for months.” </p>
<p>Chimney shakes his head, “She’s right, buckaroo. I-I’m sorry for making fun of you and…” He shakes his head. “God, I must have made you feel so horrible and I am so fucking sorry, man.” </p>
<p>“It’s okay,” Buck says quietly. “You guys didn’t know.” </p>
<p>“I don’t mean to pry,” Bobby begins, stepping towards the youngest firefighter, “but why didn’t you tell us?”</p>
<p>Buck shrugs, “It was easier not to. It was easier to let you think that I was sleeping around then to tell you the truth. When I came to the 118 you guys saw me and assumed who I was- and that’s fine. Plus I wasn’t ready to come out yet and I couldn’t very well tell you that I was engaged without you asking questions about my fiance. I’m sorry.” </p>
<p>Bobby crosses to Buck and pulls him into a hug, Hen and Chimney not far behind. Buck lets go of a shaky breath as he is embraced by all of his teammates. “Thank you for telling us,” Bobby says. When they release the hug, Bobby squeezes his shoulder. </p>
<p>Together all four of them walk out into the yard. Buck immediately sees Eddie chatting with Karen, Hen’s wife, while Christopher is across the lawn with Harry and Denny, all three of them laughing and smiling. </p>
<p>Eddie looks up when he hears the door open and Buck can feel his fiance’s eyes checking him over, trying to determine if it went well. Buck smiles at him and breaks from the group to go over to him. </p>
<p>“You really know how to pick them,” Karen tells Buck once he’s in earshot. Buck chuckles as she walks past him to Hen. </p>
<p>Buck leans into Eddie’s side, smiling when his fiance presses a kiss to his temple. “It went well then?” Buck nods. “I’m so proud of you,” Eddie says quietly. “I love you so much.”</p>
<p>Buck rests his head against Eddie’s, “I love you too.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you so much for reading! Please leave a comment if you enjoyed!</p>
<p>Tumblr- @evanbuckley-heartofgold</p></blockquote></div></div>
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